Lingerie advice for sexy times

Like most lingerie bloggers on Instagram I get some weird direct messages. The other day a lady contacted me and asked me whether the set I was wearing was good for sex. I was a little taken aback and wondered if I was being cat-fished by a sleazy guy trying to start a creepy conversation. But it was actually a genuine and very frank enquiry from a woman who said she was going to have a M/M/M/M/F – that’s 4 guys and a girl, in case you’re wondering – and wanted to wear some lingerie that would be sizzling hot and … ‘functional’ for the occasion.

Continue reading “Lingerie advice for sexy times”

No darling, you can’t stay over

Being single forever and ever, and never again sharing my life with another is a prospect that I am quite happy with. I put that down to my unwillingness to be responsible for another person and also my low tolerance for other people’s personal detritus encroaching on my space. As well as that, I have a bit of a phobia of the smell of other people. I don’t want to rub up against another person’s scent for longer than I have to. A few hours is OK, one night is too much, so a lifetime of living with the “pong of man” is simply unthinkable. Continue reading “No darling, you can’t stay over”

Bespoke Lingerie: my early birthday treat

 

Bespoke. Personalised. Made to measure.

I just love everything about those words. It conjures up images of unparalleled luxury, of couture gowns, Savile Row tailors, tape measures, fabric swatches. Until relatively recently in history, all clothes were pretty much made-to-measure and tailored for the wearer. Then came mass production and then fast fashion. Now you buy something from a shop where the thing comes in different standard sizes so it fits you around the hips, but less so around the bust. You have no idea who designed it or made it but it was probably a person in a developing country who gets paid $5 a day and may or may not be a child. I prefer to take things slow – to know exactly who makes my clothes and to be sure that they are people being paid a decent wage. Also, to bring it back to hard practicalities, I have such small boobs that most lingerie brands don’t do the styles I like in small enough sizes!

For my upcoming 45th birthday, I decided that I had no need to celebrate it in grand style with an alcoholic bash and where I don’t get to have proper conversations with my friends. Instead, I wanted to experience the bespoke luxury lingerie treatment. I canvassed a few people who would be in the know – my lovely lingerie friends on Instagram – and decided to take my business to Nichole de Carle. Continue reading “Bespoke Lingerie: my early birthday treat”

I dress, therefore I am

When I take pictures that show how much I care about image and clothing and post them on Instagram, I am in no doubt that I invite people to think me vain and shallow. I don’t feel any need to justify what I do, and in fact, if more people (especially men) took some time to present a good version of themselves as opposed to not caring what they look like, then I’m all for vanity. In fact, I would posit that creating an image, a persona, an avatar, an alter ego (such as one does on social media) is an act of existentialism. The clothing we wear is significant in how we choose to exist and move through the world.

Continue reading “I dress, therefore I am”

Benefits with friends

IMG_20180311_125954.jpg
Card found on a train, shoved between the seats.

It’s that hoary old question: Can you be still be friends after sleeping together? A stupid question. Of course you can and should be friends.

In my world, sleeping with someone is the quickest way to make a friend with a particularly deep level of intimacy.  I don’t call it ‘Friends with Benefits’. The benefit IS the friendship. Let’s just call it what it is: ‘Sex with Friends’. And some of the best friendships I have are with people I’ve slept with.
Sex is an excellent way of making friends; and friendship is an excellent reason for sex. 
I have lots of close female friends and a few close gay male friends, but until a few years ago, when I exited a very long marriage, I didn’t have any deep friendships with straight men. I now have a precious handful of these and these are all men I have slept with. They add a dimension to my life that I didn’t know I was missing. They bring a different perspective to my questions and musings. There is an honesty and frankness in how we interact but any erotic tension that there might have been has been dealt with and diffused. Maybe it works for me because I don’t do “no-strings sex”. I don’t want a LTR necessarily, but the “strings” I want are shared values, companionship for a few hours, sparkling conversation and emotional maturity.
The latest research is that loneliness can shorten your life by as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. We make new friends when we are young, with our circle of friends peaking at around age 25. This circle shrinks as the years go by, when opportunities to make new, deep friendships are fewer, and our old friendships drop away. How do you make new bosom buddies of the sort you made at university and school?

Continue reading “Benefits with friends”

Vero: Underdogs in a capitalist world

For my online friends who have been deleting their Vero accounts because of its CEO’s dodgy past, I admire your idealism but it’s a bit like saying donuts are bad – because, carbs and sugar – whilst you continue to eat bread, cereal, pasta, cakes and cookies every day. If you want to only deal with companies that have a clean record on ethics and morality, if you want to sleep easy at night knowing that you have not helped to support discriminatory, non-inclusive, exploitative, morally offensive practices, then I suggest you should review the truth behind these good things that you probably quite like:

  • Subscription-based streaming of TV and movies to your living room.
  • The ability to order a hot meal delivered in the next hour from your mobile device.
  • The ability to order a cab in the next 5 minutes from your phone.
  • Subscription-based streaming of virtually all music ever produced.
  • Cheap books or any other consumer product, delivered to you by tomorrow.
  • The ability to share your words, pictures, news articles and cat videos with your friends, family and colleagues all around the world.

Continue reading “Vero: Underdogs in a capitalist world”

The Asian Woman Fetish

IMG_20180303_233043_742.jpg
Photo by @acalculatedrisk. Wearing Bordelle Burnt Red signatures

I want to say something about the trope of the Asian woman. By “Asian” here I mean East Asian, i.e. ethnically Chinese, Japanese, Korean. The Asian fetish has always been a thing (more accurately, the Asian Woman fetish). I can’t blame anyone for being attracted to what they are attracted to. I’m not going to shame you for your foot fetish, so I shouldn’t do it for your race-fetish. Should I? Continue reading “The Asian Woman Fetish”