I haven’t written a sex toy review for ages because the fact is, I haven’t actually bought any new toys for a few years. About 4 or 5 years ago, I invested heavily in some very expensive vibrating toys as well as some cheaper novelty bits and bobs like a vibrating butterfly you wear in your knickers, a suction dildo that turned out to be way too big and various pairs of nipple clamps.
As I fully expected, you get what you pay for when it comes to sex toys. The luxury vibrators have given me exactly what I needed – reliable orgasms at the push of a discreet button. The rest of it, well I wish there was a sustainable way of disposing of sex toys, but there isn’t, and I dread to think how long silicone takes to break down. So you see, I apply the same philosophy to sex toys as I do to everything else I consume. Buy less and buy well. Those luxury vibrators are still giving me excellent service, hence no need to get anything else.
When I saw the discreet Rabbit Bullet Vibrator by Jejoue (RBV) with “Intense Vibrating Ears” and saw the lively and vigorous movement of those ears, and felt its deep vibrations in my hand, and its smooth silicone skin, well, I just fell in love right there with that joyful, little chap. Je Joue kindly gifted me an RBV in teal to try out and I skipped home like a happy, horny bunny (is there any other kind?).
With a tiny little charging USB port, the RBV takes 2 hours to charge, giving you a full 2 hours of usage. Je Joue prides itself on using the highest grade of silicone in all its toys, which come in a range of colours, dark purple being the most popular. The deep rumbly motor guarantees to stimulate the deepest recesses of the clitoris. 90% of the clitoris is hidden behind the soft tissue of the labia and inside the vagina, reaching almost to the anus. Stimulating the whole clitoris is often an impossible task, leading most people to focus only on the clitoral tip, which is often too sensitive to endure prolonged, vigorous stimulation. The tech and design that goes into the Je Joue toys sets it apart from the cheaper versions, and being a tech nerd, I’m curious to start experimenting with the RBV.
OK, TMI perhaps, but I have really big, long labia. The labia get bigger and darker as women get older, especially with hormonal changes experienced in pregnancy. I guess if I’d been exposed to more porn when I was younger I might have felt self-conscious about how “imperfect” my labia are when measured against the porn standard. As it happens, most men I’ve encountered have been incredibly enthusiastic about long and dark labia. If any man ever was to remark “My, what huge labia you have!”, my eternal response will be, “All the better for sucking and pulling on it, my dear.” Back to that over-sensitive clitoral tip, it’s my personal preference to massage with 2 fingers gently around the tip and along the labia. The shape of the RBV’s ears are perfectly designed to mimic this action, with the important addition of the aforementioned rumbly motor.
The RBV’s first outing was with my partner, who was excited to see it in action, and to see how I moved the ears around my vulva. Within about 2 minutes and very little lubrication, the starting pistol was fired, the hare was out of the gate and the dogs were racing across the finish line. This was just me getting warmed up. I jumped into the shower and decided to take RBV with me. The lubrication of the water and some self-stimulation of my nipples resulted in the most intense, toe-curling, butt-clenching orgasm that left me gasping.
I “experimented” several more times that day, trying the ears out inside me, cycling through the 7 vibrating patterns and 5 speeds, but almost always settling on the most basic, constant pattern. At lower speeds, there’s a slight rattle but at medium and high speed, it’s basically heaven in your hand.
You might think that £45 for such a small toy is on the high side, but for the punch this little fella packs, that is extraordinary value. My partner is worried that my latest toy will replace him, and he’s only slightly wrong. Fortunately for him, Je Joue have also given me the Mio, a vibrating cock ring, which I shall look forward to reviewing.
I’m in my sexual prime right now and climaxing is like falling off a chair, so it is the quality of the orgasms, rather than the quantity, that interests me. Orgasm should never be the main goal or expectation. Sex, with or without a partner, is about being present in the moment with your body – turning your awareness to discovering new pleasure sensations and ways to stimulate your body. This has reminded me why we sometimes need to refresh the way we we do things, even when the old ways continue to work. A new toy for a new decade, and the first of many more!