Lingerie advice for sexy times

Like most lingerie bloggers on Instagram I get some weird direct messages. The other day a lady contacted me and asked me whether the set I was wearing was good for sex. I was a little taken aback and wondered if I was being cat-fished by a sleazy guy trying to start a creepy conversation. But it was actually a genuine and very frank enquiry from a woman who said she was going to have a M/M/M/M/F – that’s 4 guys and a girl, in case you’re wondering – and wanted to wear some lingerie that would be sizzling hot and … ‘functional’ for the occasion.

Most lingerie enthusiasts adore lingerie simply for what it is. Either to collect and appreciate for its craftsmanship, or because of how it makes us feel when we wear it, or to show off peeking out under clothing. I go a bit further and incorporate it as an essential component of my day wear. That’s the Wicked Jade signature look. We lingerie-lovers don’t spend much time thinking about what a man thinks of our lingerie collection. Personally, the thought of wearing the ‘right’ lingerie for sex rarely enters my mind. Of course I put some thought into my undergarments when I’m going to have a play date, but truthfully, it is more to put me into a sensual frame of mind. It is rarely worn with the intention of seducing the guy I’m about to sleep with. Men are just happy to get laid, and the lingerie is a pleasant wrapper or frame for the female form. I’ve only ever met one man who really loved lingerie as much as I did. (Sidebar: There are quite a few guys who love wearing lingerie themselves, but that’s a different blogpost!) So if you intend to use lingerie to heighten the eroticism of your play, think first about these things:-

  • Nipple action – if you like nipple stimulation (who doesn’t?) can yours be accessed easily? Maybe don’t wear the padded over-bust corset…
  • Do you really want lube and other viscous secretions staining your best triple A grade silk satin that is dry-clean only?
  • Is that delicate eyelash lace panty or shoulder strap going to be too delicate to withstand being pulled off/aside by a fat-fingered, over-enthusiastic man?

So on reflection, it was an important and perfectly valid direct message. If you want to impress with your lingerie during a special erotic encounter, especially a sex party or a multi-person play scene, what should you wear?

There’s the obvious “novelty lingerie” genre – the transparent babydoll, crotchless panties and the big red bow that comes undone like a party trick. But if you are a bit more of a connoisseur and can’t do tacky underwear in cheap fabrics, there are ways you can incorporate your love of luxury lingerie into your love life. Here are 5 of my tried and tested tips:

  1. Layering. Wear a frame or ouvert bra under another impressive full-coverage bra. My favourite has often been the Twisted Lingerie Xenia Frame bra which I’ve worn under one of my many Bordelle silk longline bodice bras.This layering (and unlayering) trick involving a bra satisfies the 3 most important criteria:
    • Wow factor – check;
    • Accessibility of erogenous zones – discard the top layer and check; and
    • Robustness – well the Xenia Frame bra is, plus it is machine-washable – check.
  2. Stockings. Even if he isn’t a nylon fetishist, there is always something hot about stockings, especially with seams, and especially with a garter belt. With eyes closed and using only the sense of touch, that glorious smooth band of nakedness bridging stocking top and knickers, is universally breathtaking. A bare fleshy arse is good, but an arse banded and crossed with the high contrast of strappy elastic is even more erotic. Wear your panties over the garter belt so that when you lose the former, the stockings and garters can remain in place throughout the evening.
    • Wow factor – check;
    • Accessibility – check;
    • Robustness – garter belts are usually quite robust and stockings are cheap, so who cares?fullsizeoutput_1076
  3. Robes. A lacy peignoir or silk kimono is great for starting proceedings. It will look glamorous and it hides a multitude of sins if you’re self-conscious about any part of your body. You can keep it on for almost any activity although if it is made of very luxe fabric or lace, beware of it getting soaked in your juices – easily done if you’re lying on your back.
    • Wow factor – check;
    • Accessibility – check
    • Robust – it depends. Try to keep your bottom off it.
  4. Leather. Wipe-clean. Need I say more? It’s also soft, warm and tactile, with a smell that evokes primal passions. For sophisticated decadence my favourite pieces are from Something Wicked. They are comfortable enough to wear all day long yet have unparalleled date-night pizazz.
    • Wow factor – check;
    • Accessibility – it depends on the style.
    • Robust – check, but make sure you follow instructions on cleaning and care. For more on this, see my leather care post from way back.
  5. Women. At a recent sex party, every single one of the compliments I got about my lingerie was from a woman. The men really couldn’t care less what I was wearing. So if you want to feel admired for your amazing lingerie ensemble, make sure there are ladies present.

For that lucky woman who was going to live out her gang-bang fantasy, I hope she found a suitable set to wear. Even if she didn’t, I’m jealous AF.

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