Trickle, Tinkle, Torrent

Here she goes, talking about orgasms again

Our bodies are in a state of constant flux – some things get worse, and we get old, and other things improve with age. I’ve learned that the way we experience sexual pleasure is never static. We may think that this is the way we like sex, this is the way we reach orgasm, but change one thing (often the partner) and our whole sexual experience changes.

I’m living my sexual peak right now. It’s been steadily building over the last 5 years since I got divorced. I became multi-orgasmic when I met my current partner. I mean that, with him, I never have only one orgasm – always at least 5. He always asks, “Is Madame fully satisfied, or does she require more orgasms?” Now, one more miracle has happened. I can report that I am now officially, a reliable, regular member of the squirting brigade! I had always hoped that one day I would become a squirter, but I thought that after reaching the age of 45, if I hadn’t really squirted (there were a couple of times in the past when it may have happened but I couldn’t repeat the experiment), then I could probably never claim the squirting badge. Now, it happens predictably when conditions are right – and I’m talking about proper gushing of anything from one shot glass to half a cup of liquid here – and I couldn’t be happier! I also have to launder a lot more towels…

Copyright @pigolin, inspired by my dirty fantasies

Most women, and men, are fascinated by the almost mythical phenomenon of female ejaculation. Porn would have us believe that squirting is a regular, natural thing for all women. This, in turn, leads less experienced lovers to try to make every women squirt and then feel disappointed if they don’t. Anecdotally, most men tell me that it’s quite rare. I’ve seen friends at sex parties gush and it’s been quite a spectacle to witness. But what exactly is squirting all about? Where does the liquid come from? If it’s not urine, what is it? Do all women have the capacity to squirt? So many questions, so much myth. And so little research. After my own self-discovery, I wanted to conduct a little survey but then I found out that sex researcher and writer, Dr Zhana, has already put out a comprehensive Squirting Survey, in an attempt to collect large data on the subject. The survey is long but you are rewarded for getting to the end by receiving a 17 minute long video of Dr Zhana explaining what science there exists at the moment on squirting .

Women have been known to squirt well before porn made it seem commonplace. As early as the 4th century, Chinese poems and texts have mentioned it. But it seems no one thought it worthy of a proper scientific study. Even Masters & Johnson, who had thousands of subjects in their seminal research study in the 1960’s, only found a tiny number of women who could squirt under their laboratory conditions.

Dr Zhana and sex coach, Kenneth Play, are conducting the Squirting Project, which comprises the aforementioned survey, a hands-on Playlab (a squirting research event where volunteers are stimulated to squirt under observation) and an art exhibition. The survey is long because it’s comprehensive, but I stuck it out to the very end because I’m motivated by a genuine interest in the science behind this little-known and very important facet of female sexuality. There is so much that humanity does not yet know about the anatomy and biomechanics of women’s orgasms. In the 21st century, when we can map the bottom of the ocean and send people into the galaxy, why are our own bodily functions still flummoxing the best brains in science? Why is the subject of women’s pleasure not occupying pages of scientific research? To date, there has only been one reliable study of female ejaculation and that was only done with a sample of 27 women. I guess the study of female pleasure doesn’t warrant big funding because no pharma companies are interested in the limited return on investment. But Dr Zhana and Kenneth Play are stepping into the breach and I cannot wait to see the full survey results!

As for me, I do wonder why my body has only now decided to reveal this neat trick. I can think of many explanations for this. In the past few years, I’ve allowed myself to fully give in to my body’s demands for pleasure – seeing sexual pleasure as my right and not a source of shame. I’ve become less focused on orgasm, ironically, and more tuned into riding sensations as they bubble up between me and a partner. I’ve done a lot of Pilates and my pelvic floor is ridiculously strong. I’ve allowed my erotic imagination to run wild and have a rich fantasy life. But I think the game-changer was meeting my partner (he’s been upgraded from “current boyfriend”), who has made clear that my pleasure is the only thing that matters. His turn-on is simply to give me bliss for hours, without expecting anything in return. I trust him enough to take greedily, to sink into a selfish abyss of pleasure, to accept his adoration without needing to reciprocate. Gradually my body has learned to release any self-consciousness, unleashing its full power of sensuality. The truth is I have no idea why this has happened, and why now. I’m just delighted that The Maserati* is fired up and purring (and expelling large quantities of liquid).

I’m always super-curious about other women’s experience of squirting. When I’ve mentioned it before, some readers have messaged me to tell me that they are squirters and when it first happened. Do share with me, privately or in the comments below, whether you’re a squirter, how often it happens, and when you first realised you were a squirter. Does it only happen in certain positions, at certain times of the month, or with a certain person? Is squirting the same thing as an orgasm for you, or is it actually a separate thing? Also, take the Squirting Survey. The myths of squirting need to be debunked, and it is our duty to help unlock the mysteries of female bodies! 

*The Maserati is his pet name for my pussy, as I’ve mentioned before on Instagram.

Beija London – a lingerie destination

Trying on lingerie is a deeply sensuous process. What other type of purchase involves you being so aware of your physicality and forces you to be grounded in your body? I love buying lingerie in independent stores, where I am surrounded by beautiful things that awaken my sensuality and womanliness. Imagine: being surrounded by soft materials, touching the fabrics that will soon be against your skin, being  advised by a lingerie expert who will help you find a style and fit it to you. No two women are the same shape, and finding the right lingerie  is therefore a bespoke experience, even if the product is not tailor-made for you. To me, buying lingerie online is a vastly inferior experience. There is great excitement in opening a package but for a truly satisfying shopping experience, I want to feel like a queen, to be pampered, to have people making a fuss over me. This type of customer service is only available in a shop, studio or atelier. 

IMG_20190418_114329.jpgAnother reason to be in a shop is that sometimes you just don’t notice a brand’s uniqueness until you see it up close. I was aware of Beija London and I love their quirky campaigns on Instagram, but I wasn’t immediately struck by the lingerie styles as being “me”. However, Julie, the manager of the new Beija store in funky new shopping destination, Coal Drops Yard, invited me to come in for a visit and I am so glad that I did. I now have more lingerie to recommend to women of the world: the women who are not lingerie bloggers or exhibitionists – the 99% of women who want to wear comfortable, stylish, high-quality underwear every day. 

Continue reading “Beija London – a lingerie destination”

Elust 117

This month, my latest post on Fantasies is featured on Elust , a fantastic resource of sex writing and blogging.

Welcome to Elust 117

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #118? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dominant presence

He Gripped Her Hand and Centered Her

Being alone together.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

What the fig?

Mind and body

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

O! or, errr… NO!: Orgasm Control in an F/m Dynamic

 

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Continue reading “Elust 117”

Lara Intimates – Style and Sustainability

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Ava Bra and briefs

I’ve been roadtesting the Ava bra by Lara Intimates for 2 long days and I can honestly say this is the only bra I’ve not wanted to shed at the end of a day. In fact, I truly forgot I was wearing a bra at all. Soft, double-layered mesh, no under-wiring, but yet you definitely wouldn’t call this a bralet because it is far too supportive and well-constructed.

Lara Intimates, a small independent lingerie brand, reached out to me to collaborate with them. I immediately fell in love with the sustainable ethos of the brand. Continue reading “Lara Intimates – Style and Sustainability”

Fantasies never let you down

People sometimes think that I want to live out my erotic fantasies. Wrong. I like some of my fantasies to stay as just…fantasies. Also, it happens that most of my fantasies are completely impossible to turn into reality. They are just too weird and implausible to be formed into actual scenarios or even visually represented, except maybe through the medium of deviant erotic art. Like these:

Being ravaged by tentacles and suckers. Yum

Artwork by Pigolin
“The woman as part of the landscape, with little people drowning in her juices” fantasy. Double Yum. Copyright – Pigolin

See, I told you my fantasies were weird.

There’s a distinction between what I do for my sexual kicks with others, and the private inner porn realm of my mind. For example, Continue reading “Fantasies never let you down”

Podcast: LAID

Listen to me talking to Danusia Malina-Derben at the School for Mothers podcast.Screenshot_20190328-212156.png

The episode is called LAID and I lay out some of my dating stories, as well as how I approach sexual relationships, lingerie and raising children.

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“Ohhhh Yes”

Bigger, better, stronger orgasms – for women anyway (we have stats!)

A young friend of mine (she’s in her 20s) confided in me that she couldn’t have orgasms in front of her long term boyfriend and, although she’s been having orgasms since she was 7 or 8, she has never had one in the presence of another person. Continue reading ““Ohhhh Yes””