Je joue beaucoup, thanks to a little rabbit

A new toy for a new decade

I haven’t written a sex toy review for ages because the fact is, I haven’t actually bought any new toys for a few years. About 4 or 5 years ago, I invested heavily in some very expensive vibrating toys as well as some cheaper novelty bits and bobs like a vibrating butterfly you wear in your knickers, a suction dildo that turned out to be way too big and various pairs of nipple clamps. As I fully expected, you get what you pay for when it comes to sex toys. The luxury vibrators have given me exactly what I needed – reliable orgasms at the push of a discreet button. The rest of it, well I wish there was a sustainable way of disposing of sex toys, but there isn’t, and I dread to think how long silicone takes to break down. So you see, I apply the same philosophy to sex toys as I do to everything else I consume. Buy less and buy well. Those luxury vibrators are still giving me excellent service, hence no need to get anything else.

When I saw the discreet Rabbit Bullet Vibrator by Jejoue (RBV) with “Intense Vibrating Ears” and saw the lively and vigorous movement of those ears, and felt its deep vibrations in my hand, and its smooth silicone skin, well, I just fell in love right there with that joyful, little chap. Je Joue kindly gifted me an RBV in teal to try out and I skipped home like a happy, horny bunny (is there any other kind?). 

With a tiny little charging USB port, the RBV takes 2 hours to charge, giving you a full 2 hours of usage. Je Joue prides itself on using the highest grade of silicone in all its toys, which come in a range of colours, dark purple being the most popular. The deep rumbly motor guarantees to stimulate the deepest recesses of the clitoris. 90% of the clitoris is hidden behind the soft tissue of the labia and inside the vagina, reaching almost to the anus. Stimulating the whole clitoris is often an impossible task, leading most people to focus only on the clitoral tip, which is often too sensitive to endure prolonged, vigorous stimulation. The tech and design that goes into the Je Joue toys sets it apart from the cheaper versions, and being a tech nerd, I’m curious to start experimenting with the RBV.

OK, TMI perhaps, but I have really big, long labia. The labia get bigger and darker as women get older, especially with hormonal changes experienced in pregnancy. I guess if I’d been exposed to more porn when I was younger I might have felt self-conscious about how “imperfect” my labia are when measured against the porn standard. As it happens, most men I’ve encountered have been incredibly enthusiastic about long and dark labia. If any man ever was to remark “My, what huge labia you have!”, my eternal response will be, “All the better for sucking and pulling on it, my dear.” Back to that over-sensitive clitoral tip, it’s my personal preference to massage with 2 fingers gently around the tip and along the labia. The shape of the RBV’s ears are perfectly designed to mimic this action, with the important addition of the aforementioned rumbly motor.

The RBV’s first outing was with my partner, who was excited to see it in action, and to see how I moved the ears around my vulva. Within about 2 minutes and very little lubrication, the starting pistol was fired, the hare was out of the gate and the dogs were racing across the finish line. This was just me getting warmed up. I jumped into the shower and decided to take RBV with me. The lubrication of the water and some self-stimulation of my nipples resulted in the most intense, toe-curling, butt-clenching orgasm that left me gasping.

I “experimented” several more times that day, trying the ears out inside me, cycling through the 7 vibrating patterns and 5 speeds, but almost always settling on the most basic, constant pattern. At lower speeds, there’s a slight rattle but at medium and high speed, it’s basically heaven in your hand.

You might think that £45 for such a small toy is on the high side, but for the punch this little fella packs, that is extraordinary value. My partner is worried that my latest toy will replace him, and he’s only slightly wrong. Fortunately for him, Je Joue have also given me the Mio, a vibrating cock ring, which I shall look forward to reviewing.

I’m in my sexual prime right now and climaxing is like falling off a chair, so it is the quality of the orgasms, rather than the quantity, that interests me. Orgasm should never be the main goal or expectation. Sex, with or without a partner, is about being present in the moment with your body – turning your awareness to discovering new pleasure sensations and ways to stimulate your body. This has reminded me why we sometimes need to refresh the way we we do things, even when the old ways continue to work. A new toy for a new decade, and the first of many more!

High-waisting away

High Waist Code

Bridget Jones gave “big pants” a bad name. Far from being unsexy “granny underpants”, my take on high-waisted briefs is grown-up, sexy playfulness. I just can’t get enough of the high-waisted, big pants look right now. There are so many reasons to love it, and none of them are to do with comfort.

OK so that’s probably not entirely truthful. As we get older, we change. Fact. One of my close relatives is not happy with this and she is currently considering a face-lift even though she looks about 35. I read last weekend about liposuction for ankles (or ‘cankles’) and, whilst I laughed, I also had to admit that my ankles are probably one feature I’ve never had a complaint about.

I have had for most of my life a typical Asian woman’s body – small-busted, long torso, short legs, small of waist and heavy of hip. It’s all fairly marginal in my case and I know I’m not far outside the standard defined by Western society. But in my younger, lower-esteemed days, I hankered for plastic surgery too, until I made peace with my body.

Alas, the onset of peri-menopause inevitably thickens your middle section, and your waist starts to disappear. Nothing much we can do about this my friends. One reason I’m loving the high-waist is that it is rather forgiving of all those extra bits of flesh sitting at the top of your hips.

Take the Bordelle high-waisted Otto briefs. There is a reinforced rigid band, slightly softer than boning, running down from the side waist to hip. This smooths out your silhouette without in the least bit looking like shapewear.

But I also love the way that large knickers look less like undergarments and can be worn as part of an outfit, almost like hot pants. Like these Jade briefs from Something Wicked, a luxury brand that uses leather detailing in their erotic clothing range.

Don’t you also love how big satin briefs reference burlesque and vintage strip tease? These bespoke briefs from Nichole de Carle give me the showgirl vibes every time I wear them. Especially when worn with the matching bodice bra that was specially made for me. Think Esther Williams and channel your inner Hollywood siren, diving off a high board with a matching swimming hat.

For those that think lingerie and underwear are two different things, I beg to differ. The days of strutting about like a show dancer are few, and we need great everyday lingerie that we would still be proud to show off if the need arises, or just to give us that frisson of womanly extraordinariness. For softness and comfort that you can wear all day long, but with stylish details that surprise and delight, I can’t do better than with my Underargument sets. Velvet bands, delicate lace, and sheer tulle combined with a cut to suit every body shape.

And if you are still convinced that high-waisted = granny pants, I present to you the final triptych of Something Wicked’s saucy leather peep briefs. Play time here we come!

Wedding dresses without the cohabitation

I confess that I often fantasise about my dream wedding dress for a hypothetical wedding of the future. It’s a ridiculous fantasy for all sorts of reasons. Reason 1: I’ve been married and it was not a success. Reason 2: I don’t like hosting big parties. Reason 3: I have too many friends and I would either have to invite all of them or none. Reason 4: I see no reason for anyone, but especially me, to get married. Reasons notwithstanding, any woman who likes clothes, regardless of her views on marriage, wants the excuse to wear a sumptuous, lavish gown and draw gasps from passers-by, dazzled by her goddess-like beauty.

To be fair, it’s not marriage that I recoil from; it’s that ghastly boner-killer – Living Together – that really puts me off.

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Trickle, Tinkle, Torrent

Here she goes, talking about orgasms again

Our bodies are in a state of constant flux – some things get worse, and we get old, and other things improve with age. I’ve learned that the way we experience sexual pleasure is never static. We may think that this is the way we like sex, this is the way we reach orgasm, but change one thing (often the partner) and our whole sexual experience changes.

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Beija London – a lingerie destination

Trying on lingerie is a deeply sensuous process. What other type of purchase involves you being so aware of your physicality and forces you to be grounded in your body? I love buying lingerie in independent stores, where I am surrounded by beautiful things that awaken my sensuality and womanliness. Imagine: being surrounded by soft materials, touching the fabrics that will soon be against your skin, being  advised by a lingerie expert who will help you find a style and fit it to you. No two women are the same shape, and finding the right lingerie  is therefore a bespoke experience, even if the product is not tailor-made for you. To me, buying lingerie online is a vastly inferior experience. There is great excitement in opening a package but for a truly satisfying shopping experience, I want to feel like a queen, to be pampered, to have people making a fuss over me. This type of customer service is only available in a shop, studio or atelier. 

IMG_20190418_114329.jpgAnother reason to be in a shop is that sometimes you just don’t notice a brand’s uniqueness until you see it up close. I was aware of Beija London and I love their quirky campaigns on Instagram, but I wasn’t immediately struck by the lingerie styles as being “me”. However, Julie, the manager of the new Beija store in funky new shopping destination, Coal Drops Yard, invited me to come in for a visit and I am so glad that I did. I now have more lingerie to recommend to women of the world: the women who are not lingerie bloggers or exhibitionists – the 99% of women who want to wear comfortable, stylish, high-quality underwear every day. 

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Elust 117

This month, my latest post on Fantasies is featured on Elust , a fantastic resource of sex writing and blogging.

Welcome to Elust 117

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #118? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dominant presence

He Gripped Her Hand and Centered Her

Being alone together.


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

What the fig?

Mind and body

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

O! or, errr… NO!: Orgasm Control in an F/m Dynamic


Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

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